*About Me)

Obviously, you probably know me if you are reading this but I don't really have anything to blog about so i'm gonna write about myself.

 I feel like i'm so behind from my other blog friends. Married, have kids, engaged....

I am in college to be a radiology technician and have been going to college since I was 19. 

I'm 23 and just now finishing my pre req's. I have no career PASSION, but I do know that I like the healthcare. I never though tI would want to get married, and have kids, but the older I get I find myself day dreaming about it. I'm not in the right place in my life for either of those, but I'm excited to think about the day things will start falling into place. 

 Bryan and I have been dating for 2 years (not including the numerous break ups) next week. We have lived together almost a year and things are going really good. He's been the guy I've always wanted since we've been back together and has worked hard to win my trust back. I'm grateful to have him in my life. 

I really only have two best friends. It's funny how that works. I don't mean to be anti-social, but I've learned in the past year or so how EVIL people really are. That may sound crazy to most, but I was really sheltered for A LONG TIME. Not to say I don't have "friends", but Kassie and Shae have just always been there for me.  I'm learning now not to tell everyone my business, but it never stays between me and the person(s) i'm telling. That's kind of why I don't write much at all. 

 My family are really the most important people in my life. Since I was in elementary school I've had 5+ CLOSE family members die. Regardless how morbid it seems, it has made us all very close. I view life differently because I know how short it can be. My nephews show me life can be amazing no matter what kind of bad day I have. 

 I have a huge heart. Everyone I meet I want to be their bff. I talk a lot of junk, but i'm very non confrontational. I have been screwed over and the only person i've stood up to/kicked butt is Bryan. haha. I'm leaving the rest up to God.  

Random pictures? SURE

                                              First time drinking....very awkward. 

                                                   My sisters sweet family:)

                                           We have drag shows at my family Christmas' 

Ok so I shouldn't even be allowed to blog but it's okay. Hope you could read along with my scatter brain.

Never grow up...

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

 Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was a sassy 10 year old. I never had anything to worry about, my mom and grandmother did enough of that for the whole family.  It was a great time where I didn't have the burden of so many deaths to deal with and having my heart broken. The song Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift is such a powerful song because almost any one can relate. I sometimes wish I never grew up and I wish I could protect my nephews from all the bad things life has in store. 

I was just as excited as they were. haha

 Reagan and Pierce had their 2nd birthday a few months ago and it was a sad day. They didn't get to celebrate their birthday on the actual day of their birth because Chris (their father) had a bad car accident and was in the hospital. I babysat them the week of their birthday and April 1st I woke up and I sang happy birthday and gave them a billion kisses. I wanted to cry because they couldn't have their big birthday party my sister and brother in law had planned for them. When they actually had their birthday party a month later, they had the best time. So many people showed up for the bouncy slide and cake.  I was in a funk that day because I realized how quick time goes by . It really was just last month they were born, and last week they began walking...and since when did they learn how to talk and carry on a conversation?? They help me see the simplicity in life. 

On a more serious/depressing  note....

      My life has been CRAP lately. Well more like my moms. She has ALS (Lou Gherig's disease). It is a terminal and one of the worst diseases i've seen. It kills you slowly and painfully. My mom is a VERY emotional person, it's where I get it from. She is depressed most days because along with the rest of my family she knows she won't be here much longer. We watched her brother and mom both pass away from this horrible disease. It's one thing accepting illness and death when you are elderly, but to mom life is still so young and fresh. There's so much she still wants to do and see.  It's hard to make someone see the brighter things in life when they know they won't have the opportunities  to enjoy the short time left in life.  Like that song goes *live like you were dying* .  ALS doesn't let you enjoy much. It makes you lose ALL of your muscle and muscle function including heart and lungs. She became bed ridden very quickly after being diagnosed.  So everything a person has on their bucket list she cant really do. She is in the worst pain all day every day. She cant walk and half the time she can't hold her head up.....It sucks the life out of her and my family because there is nothing none of us can do.She just got out of the hospital after going through surgery, being on life support, and fighting multiple infections. Sad, I know. This is just my way of releasing stress and writing about it.

My parents. Sept. will be their 28th annv. My role models:)

ANYWAYS that was just ranting and me talking about what has been weighing heavily on my mind. My mom is an angel. She has always given her whole heart to everyone. I get my big heart and compassion for people from her. I don't know what I'm going to do when she is gone and it's hard for my family and I not to think about it coming. 
 Prayers please:) xoxoxoxoxo