Almost november? Already?!

Time is going by WAY too fast. This year has thrown many changes my way, but I'm still surviving. Living in Dalton has turned out to be fun so far. I'm extremely close to the hospital where I work, and EVERYTHING is really close. I do however miss home in Chatsworth. I didn't realize how much I enjoy the quietness. I'm starting school up again this January. This last semester and I will have completed all of my per-requisites and will be applying for the Radiology program. Wish me luck!
Who is excited about November 18th? >THIS GIRL<. It will be a little sad this year with mom not being with us. She seriously was more upset about not getting to see the last twilight than her illness. She passed away in her team Edward shirt. Die-hard fan. I can't wait! I need to re-read the books. I think i'm failing as a Twilight fan seeing as how I've only read them all once. I think my sister is going on her sixth time reading them....Speaking of books...I just finished the Hunger Games trilogy. The first two were really good but I wasn't much of a fan of the third, Mokingjay.

Bryan, Chris, Molly, and I went to see Bush, Chevelle, and Filter the other week. It was an amazing concert, - the constant ran, Chris whining, and a slight hangover. Probably one of my top favorites. All 3 bands sounded exactly like they do on their albums as they do live. Which is rare, and awesome.

Football.
 I think I would like it much more if I didn't have to live with a crazy GA fan. Bryan seriously is obsessed.  He's also obsessed with winning fantasy football, which would be okay, if he didn't live by the TV. I might as well be single during the Winter months. HA I do enjoy college football, but the NFL is to "showy" for my liking.

The boys had a blast helping make their jack-o-lanterns. Can't wait to see their oompa lo0mpa costumes!

**Shout out to Tabitha since I have no cell, and you have no facebook, I loved your maternity pics. I bet you're ready for Rayne to be here already. Bryan says hey, and he misses you and Edwardo. To everyone else, I miss you guys too! I'd like to see everyone and have some fun again! Love to all and hope everyone is doing great!

Fall!

Life & Fried Chicken

As i'm making home made fried chicken (yummy!/20+lbs I'm also packing. Well actually i'm taking a break to blog. Bryan and I are moving to Dalton. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet. We were kinda forced to move. Our roommate Wesley decided it was best for him to move, so financially we need to also.
                                       

                                  Reasons i'm not looking forward to it. (Since my blog friends like lists)

         1. We live in a pretty nice house currently (Especially for young/unmarried couple)
        2. SO much room here.
         3. I've lived here for over a year. Its became "home".
        4.There's been SO much change in my life lately. I don't like it.
       5. I consider most of dalton "ghetto" and afraid i'll be robbed.
        6. Although Chatsworth is 25 mins away, I'm not looking forward to being away from my Dad, sister, brother-in-law, and nephews.



   On the bright side, I will be closer, MUCH closer to work. Our rent is cheaper, and utilities will be halved. Part of growing up is change and I guess it's something I need to let happen. Lord knows there is nothing I can do to change it. I want to set some goals in my life. One of them is making more time for friends. Friendship and family mean so much to me, and it's probably the only thing in life I live for.
  Since my mom passed I honestly can't describe how I feel. I'm multi-polar (more than bi-polar) about it. I kind of think most of the time, I stay busy so I don't think about it. When I'm alone and its night, or i'm on my way home from work, I'll think of her. I don't let myself really miss her though. I think I can't deal with it psychologically. Maybe I just don't grieve as much as I expect that I should. I expect I should be a complete and total wreck because seriously guys. My mom meant everything to me. I was so close to her my whole life. We text all day long every day. We went to Florida over Labor Day weekend and I kept checking my phone for texts from mom being her usual VERY worrisome self. I miss being over-cared for.
 Anyways, So my cousin got married during Tropical Storm Lee in Pensacola, FL. It was wild, but a much needed vacation. I caught the bouquet, not that I wanted it. haaa.  I learned that I can not drive during rain, or for 8 or more hours. My nephews vocabulary is outrageous. Where have they learned all this?! I'm trying more than ever to let go of things that I have no control over. Maybe it's because of the anti-depressant I'm on. My answer to most things/conflicts is the simple phrase....whatever. I'm out of school till next semester and i'm hating it. I want to have my degree now. I at least want to be in the program so I KNOW i'll graduate eventually.

Love you all,
 Seriously!,
 Kelly.

My mommy post

First off I just want to say thank you SO much for all the love and support my family and I've been shown through this difficult time. It really shows people's true character and it just means so much....
As most of you know my mom past away a week ago today. From  my later posts you know I've wrote about how much pain and suffering she was going through and it was so hard to watch her go through that. I know she is in a better place and not hurting, but the little girl with separation anxiety wants her momma. From 4th-7thish grade I would make myself sick and do ANYTHING to stay at home with my mom. I have and will always be her lil "pooh-bear". I'm glad I had a mother who was obsessed with loving my sister and I, along with everyone else who came in contact with her , as much as anyone could and more. The whole funeral thing was a blur. There were ALOT of people who came to say their condolences and tell my sister and I stories of the high-school/childhood says. I have a touch of social anxiety/awkwardness seeing as how I was up my moms rear most of my life....I was uncomfortable the whole time.
 For blog sake, I can't rant and say some things I wouldn't say to people's faces. To answer your questions that you should already know _"What's wrong" - seriously? ....lol I have to say something completely morbid just to make them realize it wasn't the smartest question. Then there is the one that i've been getting and will continue to get - "How are you doing?" For some reason it doesn't occur to me to just answer like I always have "fine", "good, and you?" I think of it like a psychological question every time. A rant that should make me more mad  than it does....My sister and father and I decided we didn't want a grave-side service. We would just pray once we got to the graveyard, say goodbye one more and leave. Well when they told us to leave my family moved aside a little and began talking. The grave-digger dudes decided it's completely not morbid and disturbing to lower her, and start throwing the dirt in. Needless to say we booked it.
  Everything reminds me of her. Which is okay. I feel like I'm not grieving correctly because I'm somewhere in between knowing she's at peace and not accepting it fully. Reagan and Pierce miss her too. They walk by her room and say "Where nanny at?". Heartbreaking:( My sister told them nanny went to be with Jesus and their faces light up. They are so excited for her to live with Jesus. Regan said yesterday ok,  mommy I go live with nanny and Jesus. There was another talk for that one.
FYI-don't get on a deceased's persons Facebook soon after there death without notifying everyone first. My bad guys.
My mom left alot behind with me. She gave me my big heart and compassion. She gave me her beautiful looks. EXACT same eyes, so I stare at myself sometimes. She taught me everything I know it seems and I find comfort in that. My worry now lies with my dad.  They've been married for 28 year, a few days after mom mom turned 17. She kept him in line and I grew up differently than alot of kids do. My parents showed there love for one another. They fought, ALOT, but that's a given with strong personalities. After the funeral we ate at Logan's and something so tiny made our hearts sink. We were all sitting in pairs, and I left a seat open by dad without thinking. We all got the 2-for-$20 and he shed a tear. So many things are going to make us remember she isn't with us anymore. Dad say's he feels like a bird in a cage. He said he wanted things to end like the notebook. :( How sweet. Mom kept dad on a tight leash especially after she was diagnosed because she was afraid to die alone. (My mom and I suffer from severe worry disease.) He is free to do anything he wants, but completely lost without her guidance.
 I don't know if any of you notice when someone passes "weird" things happening...but in my family, we do. We found a envelope that said "Stacy's poems". My sister called and said its so eery how appropriate this is. I'll post it on Facebook or something later, but it just went along the lines of im in a better place, seriously-im in a better place. Kinda forced the comfort on ya. Also if I hear "If I Die Young" one more time on the radio......lol i count and daily its 7+ times. The songs not really comforting to me. Reminds me of awhile back mom and I TRIED to do some kind of pre-arrangements which was totally WRONG. Who plans for a funeral so early in life? After picking out 2 songs one a sweet gospel song she loves, and another brad paisley and Dolly Parton, we went to you tube. After doing the search "funeral songs" we came across this. http://youtu.be/MkYXS4CDU6Y Thus ending our songs as we laughed hysterically for a long time.


Also she would be glad to report she passed away in her TEAM EDWARD shirt

                                                         My mommy- 2-4-66 - 8-13-11

*About Me)

Obviously, you probably know me if you are reading this but I don't really have anything to blog about so i'm gonna write about myself.

 I feel like i'm so behind from my other blog friends. Married, have kids, engaged....

I am in college to be a radiology technician and have been going to college since I was 19. 

I'm 23 and just now finishing my pre req's. I have no career PASSION, but I do know that I like the healthcare. I never though tI would want to get married, and have kids, but the older I get I find myself day dreaming about it. I'm not in the right place in my life for either of those, but I'm excited to think about the day things will start falling into place. 

 Bryan and I have been dating for 2 years (not including the numerous break ups) next week. We have lived together almost a year and things are going really good. He's been the guy I've always wanted since we've been back together and has worked hard to win my trust back. I'm grateful to have him in my life. 

I really only have two best friends. It's funny how that works. I don't mean to be anti-social, but I've learned in the past year or so how EVIL people really are. That may sound crazy to most, but I was really sheltered for A LONG TIME. Not to say I don't have "friends", but Kassie and Shae have just always been there for me.  I'm learning now not to tell everyone my business, but it never stays between me and the person(s) i'm telling. That's kind of why I don't write much at all. 

 My family are really the most important people in my life. Since I was in elementary school I've had 5+ CLOSE family members die. Regardless how morbid it seems, it has made us all very close. I view life differently because I know how short it can be. My nephews show me life can be amazing no matter what kind of bad day I have. 

 I have a huge heart. Everyone I meet I want to be their bff. I talk a lot of junk, but i'm very non confrontational. I have been screwed over and the only person i've stood up to/kicked butt is Bryan. haha. I'm leaving the rest up to God.  

Random pictures? SURE

                                              First time drinking....very awkward. 

                                                   My sisters sweet family:)

                                           We have drag shows at my family Christmas' 

Ok so I shouldn't even be allowed to blog but it's okay. Hope you could read along with my scatter brain.

Never grow up...

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

 Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was a sassy 10 year old. I never had anything to worry about, my mom and grandmother did enough of that for the whole family.  It was a great time where I didn't have the burden of so many deaths to deal with and having my heart broken. The song Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift is such a powerful song because almost any one can relate. I sometimes wish I never grew up and I wish I could protect my nephews from all the bad things life has in store. 

I was just as excited as they were. haha

 Reagan and Pierce had their 2nd birthday a few months ago and it was a sad day. They didn't get to celebrate their birthday on the actual day of their birth because Chris (their father) had a bad car accident and was in the hospital. I babysat them the week of their birthday and April 1st I woke up and I sang happy birthday and gave them a billion kisses. I wanted to cry because they couldn't have their big birthday party my sister and brother in law had planned for them. When they actually had their birthday party a month later, they had the best time. So many people showed up for the bouncy slide and cake.  I was in a funk that day because I realized how quick time goes by . It really was just last month they were born, and last week they began walking...and since when did they learn how to talk and carry on a conversation?? They help me see the simplicity in life. 

On a more serious/depressing  note....

      My life has been CRAP lately. Well more like my moms. She has ALS (Lou Gherig's disease). It is a terminal and one of the worst diseases i've seen. It kills you slowly and painfully. My mom is a VERY emotional person, it's where I get it from. She is depressed most days because along with the rest of my family she knows she won't be here much longer. We watched her brother and mom both pass away from this horrible disease. It's one thing accepting illness and death when you are elderly, but to mom life is still so young and fresh. There's so much she still wants to do and see.  It's hard to make someone see the brighter things in life when they know they won't have the opportunities  to enjoy the short time left in life.  Like that song goes *live like you were dying* .  ALS doesn't let you enjoy much. It makes you lose ALL of your muscle and muscle function including heart and lungs. She became bed ridden very quickly after being diagnosed.  So everything a person has on their bucket list she cant really do. She is in the worst pain all day every day. She cant walk and half the time she can't hold her head up.....It sucks the life out of her and my family because there is nothing none of us can do.She just got out of the hospital after going through surgery, being on life support, and fighting multiple infections. Sad, I know. This is just my way of releasing stress and writing about it.

My parents. Sept. will be their 28th annv. My role models:)

ANYWAYS that was just ranting and me talking about what has been weighing heavily on my mind. My mom is an angel. She has always given her whole heart to everyone. I get my big heart and compassion for people from her. I don't know what I'm going to do when she is gone and it's hard for my family and I not to think about it coming. 
 Prayers please:) xoxoxoxoxo

olo

I find myself watching "kid" movies ever since my nephews were born. Despicable Me should really win an award. I also LOVE Mega mind. haha Sad...I know. This is my first blog post besides the ones on my "family" blog. The family blog is a GREAT idea if you don't get to see family that much but want to remain close. I love reading blogs, but I promise you i'm the most boring person on earth and my blogs will mainly consist of me obsessing over my nephews. I like to think of them as my birth control. Looking at all these blogs of lovely mothers and their beautiful children sometimes gives me baby mini fever. Not to say I don't want any, I'm just not ready. ANYWAYS. My nephews turned 2 last month and it's bittersweet watching them grow up. I loved the fat little butter balls they were the first few months of their lives. Now they call me Telly and give me the sweetest kisses.....and sing some mean Justin Bieber. haha